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Elon Musk Resigns as Public Pressure Mounts (Twitter Satire)


Amidst increased public scrutiny and thousands of resignations at Twitter, Elon Musk has decided to end his tenure as CEO of Twitter. In his own words, “The workers at Twitter are simply too lazy. Their entitlement in thinking they should prioritize their own well-being over that of the company astounds me. Being the genius that I am, I could have written all the code myself but what lesson would that teach this generation.” Musk’s departure has only added to an already chaotic and volatile situation at Twitter as the few remaining software engineers scramble to find new jobs. Jack Dorsey, who approved the sale of Twitter to Musk, comments that he “never expected this to happen. Musk gave no indication of instability and always presented with the utmost integrity.” While Dorsey refuses to disclose the exact amount that he profited, he emphasized that his decision to sell Twitter to Musk was not at all motivated by personal gain.

Before his resignation comes into effect, Musk tells us that an independent committee will choose a successor that embodies the values of Twitter. When asked about the process of choosing this independent committee, Musk claims that it will be randomly sampled from a pool of the most hardworking and intelligent people at the company. Documents leaked by workers being forced out of the company show that this pool of people actually only consists of one person – Musk himself. Sources close to Musk believe that the current frontrunner for the job is the impeached former President Donald Trump. When asked to comment by the media, Trump has stated “that I am the only person alive who can make Twitter great again. It’s no wonder that Musk wants me to run the company and not Crooked Hillary.” There is widespread concern among congressional democrats that Trump will use the position to further his recently announced presidential campaign. In an apparent gaffe, Biden told reporters that he will use his position as Vice-President to break up Facebook. Biden could not be reached for further comment as he fell asleep at the podium.

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